Come ON, Connect.

“Chris? Do you know how old you are?”
“Chris, do you know where you are.”
“My parents’ bedroom, sleeping.

“Did he have a lazy eve previously?”
“That may be permament.”

After he started punching the nurses, they sedated him again.

“Chris how old are you?”
“Do you know who’s beside you?”
He looked very hard, his eyes crossing.
He raised his hand up, “Autumn?”

My heart broke.

“Chris, do you know where you are?”
You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident.”
“Oh, no.”

He jerked around at the sound of dad’s voice.
“I’m here, Chris.” Chris put his hand up to his face, and then the other.
“Why are there two.”
He was trying to push his father’s faces together.

He continues to wake every few minutes, saying, “I thought it was a nightmare. This isn’t real.” Around seven p.m. he began trying to ‘wake up’ by hitting himself in the head…this was when Dad broke down.

“Chris do you know where you are.”
“I’m locked in a room.”
Diagnosed with paranoid schitz earlier in the year, his parents were fearing that he was thinking he’d been committed.
Dad started to sob.

“I can’t believe I’m crippled.”

“Where am I?” And you tell him, and he wakes up 10 minutes later, those wide eyes….frightened, painful eyes, and he asks you, “Where am I?”

“Why did I get in a car.
Michael? College?”
“No, Chris. Not with Mike. I’m home from college. You were with Roy.”
“Fuck I hate him.”

Brandon, the other best friend, stormed in with some company, and I watched him briefly escape into the hall, throw his hat against his chest and cry, “He’s only safe with ME! HE’S ONLY SAFE WITH ME!” and then his girlfriend grabbed onto him.

“I’m here, Chris.”
“I fell asleep.”
“And I woke up, and you broke my neck.” (he has a neck brace he cannot understand)
“No, Chris. It wasn’t me.”

The doctor is foreign and hard to understand. He comes in after Chris is exhausted, to run tests. He snaps his fingers, “Can you hear that? Can you hear that? Chris?”
“Hear what.”

“Brandon. They found me and dragged me back to hell…

I can’t go to school.”

He can’t remember anything. He denies being in a vehicle with Roy. He remembers the nap in his parents’ bedroom moments before, and returns there in his grogginess and disbelief. Still, occasional responses of “Am I at home? I’m in my parents’ bedroom.”

Chris occasionally decides he wants to escape. He starts ripping at everything. He cries, “They took my pants” and then, “my BLADE! I need my blade!” He can’t remember the accident, but his mind remembers that he had a dagger in his pants pocket.

Later tonight, he started to become angrier, “I’ll make you fuckers walk the plank,” when the cathedar was removed. He threatens to throw me across the room if I don’t help him out of the bed, etc… At least he’s coming through in full character.

But very painful. The more he comes to, the more he fears he has fallen into a dream. The more awake he is, the more he struggles, so the harder you have to fight, too. The closer we are to the next steps, the closer you are to knowing…if he’ll be able to function in the world…if his eyes will…be correct…if the brain swelling will reveal that damage is little to none….that he can walk with some therapy, perhaps…and live with himself…or…



I walked around the house for about an hour…


I walked around the house for about an hour before I even got to the computer. For an hour…

I thought it was just….unusually….quiet.

Today, I painted my brother’s wall and took off for the mall.

I came home tonight, and my family wasn’t here.

My family.

Well, I didn’t know. Because they’ve left before like that, to pick Chris up and…Dad hadn’t been drinking as much lately and would ride along with Mom more often…

But Lacy was jumping up and down, the tv was on in the trailer, the primary vehicle was gone, cable tv was on, no note, just an e-mail from grandma,

"Autumn. There has been a horrible accident."

Apparently, Roy and Chris made it all the way to the end of our dirt road,

but slid onto it too quickly…


anyone else who reads this…anyone who may one day make it so far…


slow down.

loose gravel’s like


and they lost control and chris’ side smashed into the


and Roy looked to his


and Chris said "get my dad"

and his eyes rolled back and roy ran to our house crying and my parents watched jaws of life-transport-hospitals-tubes-fractured skull

red lines,
blue lines,
orange lines,

breathing for Christopher

"he said ‘mom’ too but his eyes rolled back and you just knew he couldn’t control his vision" Roy came out of it with a….an injured….finger.

Roy. Roy. Roy. Roy. Roy. Your best friend, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy,

Christopher we were going to get out of the house, I wanted you to make it out of the house, I

painted your wall today

I came home tonight,

but Christoper didnt….