Squandered thoughts for the masses.

Soldier Justin phoned because he had some kind of essay on leadership due and was freaking out. He has typed it up on a different program than whoever wants it, is using. One scrambled document and an hour of “word pad – txt – attachments for beginners” later, I think all is well.

“Um, okay,” I rasped, into the cordless my dad had walked in and propped against my ear.
“Highlight the title. Then there’s a button that centers it-”
“Woah woah woah you’re way ahead of me.”
“Just look for the little text alignment buttons-”
“FUCKING A, I SAID WOAH! You’re talking to a blonde here…oh, shit! Oh, no!”
“What. You know, Mandi knows all this stuff at 8 am, too.”
“I just exited out of it! Fuck this piece of shit. I think the library’s open, now. You’re coming with me – hang on, I have to put you in my pocket.”
*muffled sounds of marching and opening doors*…

***
Mom took my computer to a tech at her school after I ran some kind of Norton systems check that had told me, “We found some clusters. They probably aren’t important. Let’s delete em, eh? Just click.” I had, and then the IE program refused to open, along with all instant messengers. Connected to the internet just fine, but something was wrong from the connection to the programs. So Mom just rips its cords off and hauls it away. :(

Why did it have to go and call them clusters? Why wasn’t it more honest. “INFORMATION DATA, here! THINK ABOUT IT.”

Dad: Can you make a copy of this?
Autumn May: I can’t. Mom took my computer to some kid at work who partied too hard over the weekend to look at it.
Mom: He’s not a kid, he’s 27! And cute! I’d introduce you, but he drinks too much.
Autumn May: Please. This derilect needs to give me back my machine.
Mom: I’ll tell Tracy you said that.
Autumn May: Tell him I said I’m pretty sure that sounds like a chick’s name. (and so on, because it’s easier being difficult than admitting I fucked up my computer)

End trans, with requested dream for Michael to translate. I have 3 miles to jog on a formula of the last legal low-cal stacker formula: Green tea extract, caffeine, and aspirin.

Cordially yours yours, yours, and yours,
Autumn “Pulls All Her Own Stunts” May

I had a dream that I was driving a car full of people, and we were trying to get home. Unaware of where in the state we were, I pulled over and asked someone for directions. They held their hand out to resemble Michigan, and pointed to the thumb – which I live nowhere near. We had been going in the wrong direction for a long time, and this left everyone really depressed. With no way to turn around in sight, I crossed one of the highway drives reserved for police vehicles.

“Holy shit!” I heard Mandi’s voice say, as though she’d grabbed onto the door to steady herself from my sudden decision. “Thank God a cop didn’t see you!”

Feeling disappointed because I figured I’d be driving for a long while yet, there was an enormous sense of relief when a sign read, “Detroit” with an arrow pointing right. I read it to indicate familiar territory at the next exit, and everyone else in car (who I never got to see) became excited. However, as the next exit drew near I discovered that it was a lane that went off to form a grassy trail and in no way resembled the road. Confused but determined to go home, I pulled the car over and walked the bicycle trail-looking path that wound up and around a hill, out of sight from everything. My company was no longer in the dream.

The path was suddenly enclosed in a tunnel, and lead to a futuristic silo kind of building (with rings around it like planets have) that had three floors I would explore several times throughout the dream. The bottom layer was a lobby filled with busy bodies, and there were overhead messages that sounded like something you’d hear at an airport. The perimeter was lined with doors, and everyone was entering and exiting. The black stairs led to the second floor, which had dance music playing and club lights flashing while a thick crowd danced. It felt like while still being an important place of transportation, it was popular here for people to take a break from their travels…to dance, I guess. Third floor was the same – only different colored lights and a different kind of music.

No matter how many times I tried to find the door that would get me out of there, I kept revisiting the same three floors again and again. It was getting frustrating, and I eventually started to forget where I was – what was going on. It was just doors and strangers having fun on dark, strobe-lit dance floors.

“You’ve walked past the exit, maybe, 4 times already.” Someone standing in one of the dark hallways had seen me pass back and forth and no doubt noticed my lost expression. He was dressed in black like so many other people, but was in easier focus with bright blonde hair. “You can’t see it; it’s just there.”

I looked down and stuck my foot out to touch the wall. My leg disappeared to the outside. I hadn’t noticed anyone else doing this. Elated and feeling a little stupid for taking so long, I walked through the side of the building and crossed a black bridge that was connected to the building and a wooden scape, like on park playgrounds. There were several people making their way down.

Once on the ground, someone was holding up the opening of a long, cotton tube of whites that looked like pillow cases or laundry bags, all sewn together. Although at an open plain, no one was going to the left of right of it – and at the very end of the laundry tunnel was a parking lot. There was a line of people waiting to climb through, I figured, in order to get to their cars and continue on their way. I was just sort of suddenly in line, and we were all on our hands and knees (why people weren’t standing until they had to lean down and crawl in, I don’t know).

Sitting up on my knees and turning around, I saw that the blonde man was behind me. He smiled. I leaned forward, nudged the side of my face across his cheek, and woke up.

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16 responses to “Squandered thoughts for the masses.

  1. Reinstall

    Bad clusters on your hard drive = corrupted data that was stored on there… Need to let Norton Utils mark the clusters (so data will not be written to it) and then reinstall IE and Instant Messengers. May be time to get a new hard drive if too many of the clusters are going bad.

    • I’ll remember that.

      Well, I needed the internet browser active in order to access the internet, period. And since I’m not on any network, I suppose taking it to someone else was for the best – there was no way to transfer to it with the inactivity.

      “Hear anything on the PC today?”
      “We’re on Spring Break; he’s in Texas.”

      grrrrr.

      On a happier note, i just made grilled cheese with jalapeno mozerelly and a little spruced tomato sauce ala specialty.

  2. Interpretation

    Okay. *puts on his glasses and picks his brain to try and remember*

    First thing I need to know, have you dreamt anything like this particular dream before? It is crucial to my interpretation that I know.

    Here’s what I can interpret for you, though:

    You wrote:

    “I had a dream that I was driving a car full of people, and we were trying to get home. Unaware of where in the state we were, I pulled over and asked someone for directions. They held their hand out to resemble Michigan, and pointed to the thumb – which I live nowhere near. We had been going in the wrong direction for a long time, and this left everyone really depressed. With no way to turn around in sight, I crossed one of the highway drives reserved for police vehicles.”

    ““Holy shit!” I heard Mandi’s voice say, as though she’d grabbed onto the door to steady herself from my sudden decision. “Thank God a cop didn’t see you!””

    Going the wrong way, in any dream, is symbolic of a bad choice or a bad situation becoming the worst it can be. The fact that you (A) broke the law and (B) were riding with someone you consider an enemy or someone who digusts you are both signs of a bad decision. Something recently came up that has startled your subconcious into remembering something that was a horrible mistake, thus sending you a haunting reminder of what exactly it was you had done. Sometimes this can be prophetic, in a way. This could be your subconscious trying to tell you, “Don’t do it, Autumn. You know how this always ends up. Don’t do it.” The fact that the police were somewhere involved in your decision makes it even worse. You fear being caught this time, with your pants down around your ankles, so to speak. (Forgive the cliche saying)

    “Feeling disappointed because I figured I’d be driving for a long while yet, there was an enormous sense of relief when a sign read, “Detroit” with an arrow pointing right. I read it to indicate familiar territory at the next exit, and everyone else in car (who I never got to see) became excited. However, as the next exit drew near I discovered that it was a lane that went off to form a grassy trail and in no way resembled the road. Confused but determined to go home, I pulled the car over and walked the bicycle trail-looking path that wound up and around a hill, out of sight from everything. My company was no longer in the dream.”

    The fact that Detroit was in your dream doesn’t surprise me. Detroit, in numerology, equals 7. 7 is a number most oftenly used to represent someone who is “Divinely lost” or the outcast. This number represents someone who feels lost in their current worldly situations and feels almost desperate to undo or redo, however the chance may have it, a mistake they had done in the past or are currently setting out to do.

    The fact that you left Mandi behind and began walking a bicycle track, by yourself, hints that you have given up her presence for another, so in essence you sacrificed her for the sake of another. Careful of martyrdom. It’s a sweet poison but it can cause great pain.

    That’s all I can interpret right now. I need colors of the rooms you were in after this part of the dream, as well as a question answered: Did you feel a sense of ease with the blond haired man? Did he frighten you or make you feel amorous?

    • I should post the nightmare I just had, which brought me to the e-mail at 5:30 am.

      I’ve never had a dream where I walked into an airport/club silo before – and 2% of the time do I ever dream anything that couldn’t really happen in real life. The only similiar thing about it was a brief cameo.

      The bottom floor was eggshell. Middle, pink and white. Top, green if I remember – and had a jungle trance theme. Middle floor had popular club beat theme. Car was white and small.

      So I am divinely lost.
      great way to start my day.

      OH, I almost forgot to answer – About blondie: All I remember is registering the person as somebody smart. The relief from getting that far in the dream was overwhelming, and I made the gesture at the end because his hands were on the ground, holding him up. Or I would have just shaken his hand. This made logical sense at the time.

      Ok. So maybe I was minutely inclined to display fondness.

      I don’t think I consider Mandi an enemy. I consider her to be a rebellious insanity and for HER to tell ME something like “blah blah the cops” was the bizareness of it.

  3. WWJD?

    Jesus Christ Porn Star(hypothetical second coming). jesus already. breathe. yes, it’s a musical. glad to see you were amused. I must have sent you about 100 k worth of email over the past month and a half only now to discover thar you were never actually recieving them. it almost seems like someone doesn’t want me to communicate with you because they now what we could do together. I guess i figured that since your account was recieving them that you were back on the other side. was starting to think you’d rather I’d just take a flying hike. I’ve been trying to let you in to let you get to know me. I’m prolly errahht! Prolly want a cracker? one of the nicer guy’s you’ll ever meet. yet I’ve gotten used to finishing last. it’s been quite frustrating just trying to communicate with you.I’m not entirely adept at my computer skills. I haven’t been ignoring you, or stalking you or whatever else you may have pigeon holed me to be. i would really just like to chat with you in some sort of real time. sorry that it seems like I’ve flaked on opprtunities you’ve given to interact with you. I tried logging on to sissy fight.com but the flash media wasn’t working on my buddies mac and am not totally sure how to do the instant messenger thing. have been on the computer 12 hours straight now in response to your friend woodscolt and his stupid comments and when trying to post reply it wouldn’t send and may have lost it when try to ctrl-c/v to save all the text. baby, I so need a friend right now.haven’t been to productive lately, don’t know how much more fiberglass air intake I can hack. funny you should mention that girl blowing her head off. just discovered that guy I’m working with has a piece buried in behind all my stuff in the garage bay for storage. that’s just about how I’m feeling these days. I’d never go there. yet sometimes it’s like what else is there to live for. don’t things usually blow up upon completion to be returned to the all. if not for love then why. I endure because I know somewhere there is love. I know things will get better. almost through the tunnel. feels like you have a lot of preconceived notions about me and what I’m all about. I can fully relate to your need to be safe. I only wish we had some more quality communication like something that doesn’t just brush over the surface. I’m always pretty deep yet can be light to and playful. you still don’t know me. have also been quite distraught not knowing where i stand with you. I answered your interview questions. I layed out the foundation for the screenplay I’ve been alluding to along with all the skeletons and nitty gritty stuf’but you were unable to recievemy emails. I guess now I’m lumped in with strangers and online folks you’ve never met,sorry I haven’t been around when you needed me and apologies for being so nebulous and vague at times. I had your valentines gift complete on that day- something more functional than the genie lamp to meditate with. a cool hurricane lamp with color changing top and adjustable turnstyle wick and a cool marble that has a rose blossom in the shape of a heart and another marble saying great dame autumn may forever etched in time. I’ve given you a little piece of my soul. I don’t expect anything in return. I only wish you could feel where I’m coming from. and hear me out before moving on to the next thing and the next.along with some rose water-endorsed in edger cayce readings-the sleeping prophet and some info that’s pretty cutting edge along with some very interesting astrological readings from a website that does free intro reports- as above so below -soul blueprint once again confirms some intense energy between the two of us that could have some far reaching effects. the lord will make a way some how.

  4. WWJD?part two

    also made you somethin “thrilling” outta glass-modeled it after my own-use your imagination and also a book a copy of one I’ve had in my colection for years the female companion to the male version “healing love through the tao-cultivating male sexual energy which illustrates such things as ejaculatory control in ancient times if a prince were to court a princess he’d have to stick his penis in a glass of wine to show that he could through “the big draw” bring up the womans cool yin essence to mix with his own and through the action of “sacral pump” revert that up the spine to nourish the “immortal embryo of the brain and other tissues – one of mohammed ali’s secrets. I’m always baffled at how women can accomodate such large things. I wanted it to be a special surprise for you. goin on nine? try, pushin nine! yet when about to send things out. it sounded like you flaked and moved somewhere else in fear. I explained in a number of emails that never reached you what happened apparently with your package you sent out to me. that was my shop address where I just recently had to move out of because of daryll activity- just being drunk beligerent derelicts.there’s a group of large cluster mailboxes at the warehouses in the ghetto part of town here and apparently because i let my mentor take over the lease in exchange for free rent (long story) they started only recieving mail for business name. I felt it odd too that they felt they couldn’t deliver to an individual. I managed to accost the mailman one day and see what was up. he said he recalled the envelope and could tell there was cd’s inside and that he remembers it getting sent back after holding on to it looking for the individual. do you remember if there was a unit #? that could have been all the problem; right building, which freaking unit. did you get the second package I had sent? please say yes. I sent out an address to where you could send a package that I’ll actually recieve, yet to your now defunct to you, address. it brings tears to my eyes to think that you don’t want to talk to me anymore. you said you value people more than things; so I finally spilled my contents for you, letting you into my world and giving us a chance to play like the ever youthful and child- like demeanor we both possess only to discover it was all for nought. sorry bout your perception of the tone in the last email I sent for which I actually got a response from you. I was being more playful than anything and maybe a little frustrated cause it was hard to tell if posts in your journal were meant for my ears or who?I value privacy and don’t always like my thoughts on the choppin block for anyone to just tear apart.guess if you wanted to talk to me I’d have just liked an email. some of the details of this script could be quite sensitive; better discussed live or through snail mail. I’ve been keeping up responding to all your posts yet you weren’t there. boy do I feel like a stooley. I’ve been trying to play with you and console you, sweety. i was hoping to send out a phone card so that you could give me a call from an anonymous phone or give me your friend dan’s # and I could chat to you through him so you could feel safe. I value your security. there’s just been so much mis and lack of communication and so much needing to be said to make everthing seem clear. i managed to save and print out a number of emails I’d sent to you before finally erasing them to make room for more mail.

  5. WWJD? part three? thrrreee licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop!

    I still as of yet only have a hand full of discs, less than five. there always seems to be music in whatever shop I’m working in, yet as the guardian of beauty I’m capable of making some pretty hoppin’ music. and yet still would be greatly appreciative if you could be so kind as to send me out some of those titles I’d mentioned. also maybe some feedback (Possible participation) on this playfully mischevous project. I’m hear to show everyone that we can live in harmony with the earth and still be bling and this would also focus on the unseen role the divine feminine has played throughout history-Mary Magdeline(sacred prostitute) baby, I’m sorry to hear what has happened to you with all the court room drama and such, feels like you been violated by the system and now are quite jaded as probably to am I. I’ve explained everything a few times now, trying to get email to send; yet none of my attempts to communicate reached you. please accept my apologies.this screenplay would also address the wounded sexuality of our nation as a whole and individually. and how those wounds can be transformed, reintegrated, and healed. hope all has been going well for you lately, T Om …guess I’ll try again to comment to woodscolts comment later. guess it helps to refresh before sending long post’s. Red Resonant Dragon- with the resonant mystic tone of seven I am a watchtower or cornerstone of the mayan calendar- Tzolkin’ a “decoder of the hidden mysteries”, “Technician of the sacred”. freak on the fringe!, outkast among outcasts! blond, blue, built and extremely flexible, brains “and” hung like a horse with superhuman stamina and endurance? what? and knowledge of tantra(Sting know what’s up) and the ability to give great massages and cook a great gourmet meal. Friends in high places and resources too, to good to be true? Where have I been hidin?adultfriendfinder.com resonantdragon-pass 90440…the lamp being “incredible is just a reflection of most of the qualities I possess. a voice to make Barry White blush and demons run and hide, yet sweet enough to make the angels on high all moan and sigh?mangosteen-southeast asian fruit from which tea made from the leaves has contraceptive properties that’s effective for both men and women, is without side effects and is reversable. researchers are working on male “pill” should be available in a few years. Tea time? Enter Autumn “Mary”: wearing fine scarlet red mandarin silk brocade with dragon motif as she serves tea to guests out of heady pyrex glassware?. frolic in the jungle? fijiecology.org ….. edutainment, an opportunity to be educated on all manner of hip things all while having fun, gettin down to the beats. Burn water! not oil. say that three times … Check …… Eagle-Research.com ….proofs in the puddin, Abundant clean free energy for all. Fission: where we rape and split an atom to realize inifitessimal amounts of energyand huge expense and toxic radioactive byproduct. fusion- whereas through divine harmonious love and union the formula for which lies in the kabbala “Ladder of Lights” we can generate abundant clean energy for all without compromising quality of life and resources. T Om K Lov.

    • Re: WWJD? part three? thrrreee licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop!

      Tom,
      Let me be really clear here. I don’t dislike you. I feel a little sorry for you. Autumn and I chat every now and then and we read each others journals and I think the world of her as apparently you do. As a lot of people do.

      I respond to posts that I think are odd and seem like they might distress her. Sort of an unspoken bouncer friend. Your posts trip my triggers. I’ve tried to discourage you twice now. I don’t know for sure what Autumn would have to say but I am advising her to be afraid of you when I do talk to her. She will listen to me. I suspect this last post will scare her.

      Can you honestly read what you wrote and not say, “wow… something is wrong with that guy” If you read it and it makes sense… then there is the proof of something wrong. If you can see it in objective terms then… you know something is wrong.

      I’m a computer guy. I’ve tracked you using your IP and I’ve compiled a list of phone numbers starting at the General Store. I’m going to be making calls asking about you and your mental health-explaining the situation. I am going to contact the local police and FAX them the text of your post. When they read it they will have no doubt your mental health.

      I’m going to do it whether Autumn wants me to or not because what you wrote reads like something out of a bad stalker movie. I’m sorry. Don’t blow your brains out. Please get some help.

      Anyone else reading this… please comment on it. Maybe we can convince Tom to seek help.

      • Re: WWJD? part three? thrrreee licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop!

        I can agree with you 100% that he seems VERY unstable. Plus notice he gave out his user name and password for something, that just screams that he doesn’t have a grasp on reality, why would you post that to a public Blog?

        Sounds to me that someone is looking for attention, that is sad…real sad.

      • Re: WWJD? part three? thrrreee licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop!

        That’s all right, people are usually afraid of what they don’t understand, if you were able to suspend judgement for just one moment and scratch beneath the surface you might find some enlightening information. It’s my intention to provoke thought, glad I tripped your trigger’s. being a direct discendant of Thomas Paine on my dad’s side whom also hung out with abbey hoffman on the Island were he hid out as a fugitive may have influenced the way I percieve the world. my mom being descendant of the former ancient ruling clan and capitol of scotland- see first battle scene in movie “Braveheart” may have had something to Do with it. or maybe my mom Kickin it with a direct descendant of hitler’s architect -Albert Speer colored my perspective on the world. meaning of extremes? challenged to really look at what’s going on the world and find out for myself. pay real close attention to ideas like propaganda. or maybe it was trying to filter through all the dogma of christianity that led me to do research to find the roots and truth behind christianity, leading me to discover that tracing the “grail bloodline” carried by mary magdeline up through france and later on through Scotland to the castle my ancestors lived in- Mary Queen of Scots. In high school reading a book ” Merlin” reveals-traceable historical figures in history- a “Merlinus Ambrosious” and a “King Uther Pendragon” tracing their home to one of three possible Camelots, one of them being my ancestors castle. “my soul is raw- do you take me on”-Bob Marley “wounded healer? need some tlc? yeah maybe? next time I care for judgement and critique I’ll ask, thank you. So you’re prolly the

      • they’d roll over in their graves….

        Tom,
        I wondered when I saw your lengthy ramble if you meant to say you were the descendant of Christ with all this WWJD and Jesus Christ Porn Star… but what you wrote was so disjointed that I really couldn’t tell. I thought, naw, he’s not that nuts. But now this. Not only are you a decedent of Christ but most of the royal families of Europe both fictional and factual.

        If it was all true I’d be most impressed with your ancestors- what does that have to do with you? I’m not the first to tell you you’re nuts. You ramble from one thought to another- the last thought may or may not have anything to do with the last. You create this fantasy about your ancestors to somehow validate you’re lack of distinguishing traits. Although, I will give you the fact you are hung like a horse. I guess that is distinguishing. I’m just uncertain why you would think Autumn would be impressed by a picture of you masturbating to a camera. I’m glad she didn’t see it.

        I also found pretty direct evidence that you are stalking another woman here at LJ. How many more are you whacking off for? Here’s what you have to do. Go to the local free mental health clinic. Get a therapist. Start taking anti-psychotic drugs.

        If you keep molesting women that I know I will publish those pictures for everyone to see. Oh… um… maybe you’d get off on that… ok… so after I publish them I think I’ll just enclose them in my complaint to the local police, all the ISPs that you’ve used that are no doubt your friends accounts, the library that you’ve used in Boulder and anywhere else I can find to send and warn about you as a sex offender. Because what you are doing is against the law-you just ain’t been busted yet.

        Having said this. I can finish you’re last sentence. I know what you were going to say. Because the truth is I made you say it. I’ve made you sound foolish. I am the one between you and Autumn. I made you hit the send button before you were done. I got tired of the game. Tired of the screenplay. All the women of the world are my domain and you shall not fuck with them anymore. Do you know why I made your penis so big… so you would inflict pain on any woman you touch.

    • I’m not sure what to say besides yikes.

      No offense against you or anyone else who has been trying to send letters, but it has gotten to an extremity where security is an issue. You should also know that I don’t use the internet or live journal in order to meet people. Real life encounters happen daily – whole people are of more interest to me than say, someone with 0 entries of so much as persona. As narrow minded as it sounds, I decline offers to meet readers.

      I’ve started to get some awfully large and bizarre packages in the mail from strangers who either wish to be anonymous or actually believe that with a friends list of around 200, I know/like who each and everyone is. Clearly, my Christmas Card exchange was not the most thought-out idea. Ever since, I’ve been having issues with everything from people feeling I owe them something to getting illegal material and trying to figure out how to make it all stop without seeming rude.

      “I was meant to come here to meet you.”
      “You’re the female version of me!”

      Etc, etc. Etc. Boring.

      I can understand how someone could read my thought process over a period time and get a grasp on my character or my patterns – I mean hell, I’ve put a lot of personal shit on record. But it doesn’t mean I automatically know who everyone else is. I’m flattered that you appreciate my writing, but have insisted several times before that you not send anything. I’ve replied to several lengthy letters with short and casual dismissals that you have ignored.

      Yes, I have an e-mail address, but it’s for me and not everybody else. If Ljers want to say something, that’s why I’ve enabled registered comments that log IP addresses. It’s just me here, and I honestly cannot manage the velocity of e-mail I was receiving when my e-mail was public.

      You may have noticed, had you read my Lj thoroughly, that I’ve not made one marijuana reference, or any kind of reference to the goddess or the power of the elements. If you really are looking for a friend, then welcome to live journal. People here link their thought logs every day, and there are several communities solely based on all of the new age religion and meditation you’re clearly interested in.

      Good luck to you.

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