Happy Halloween

Update: The idea turned out well – I got about 100 kids and Dan showed up dressed as an angel.

Our spook house, or, “Cabinet of Curiosity”, was a long maze with lots of optical illusions. There was a bridge through a spinning tunnel, people dressed as the backdrops, different elevations, etc… Haunted houses feel surreal (because they aren’t “real”) and reflecting on them feels like a dream, which is why I like them so much.

I also did a corn maze earlier this month, which ended up being 3 frustrating miles of walking.

Me: (to Dan upon entering) What’s a gay man’s fantasy?
Dan: *shrug*
Me: Walking backwards in a corn field!
Dan: (unamused expression and corrective tone) No, it’s not.

We ran into a collaboration of Christian groups who were figuring out which way to go, and it went like this:

“We’re Blah Blah Blah, on a youth activity.”
“So are we! We’re Blah Blah Blegh!”
(To me) “What church are you from!?”
“Um. Corunna.”
“Corunna Church?”
“No. Corunna the town.”
“…ohhh! Hey, Whomever, we need to sing a song about this!” <– proceeded to sing hymns, replacing certain words with “stalk” and “walk”.

I fantasized about the thing from Jeepers Creepers swooping down and saving me.

too bad my brother isn’t here
once imbecile reached his ear
he’d cut you up so you’d need stitches,
asinine sonsabitches

And this concludes Octoberfest.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
great_dame goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a Bride.
ashcanprobably gives you 14 mauve grapefruit-flavoured nuggets.
cynosure tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
evilgeniuskatie gives you 10 orange cola-flavoured gummy bears.
hcl gives you 12 light yellow grapefruit-flavoured hard candies.
meatcurtains gives you 6 light green root beer-flavoured miniature candy bars.
mythfish gives you 9 teal licorice-flavoured miniature candy bars.
reverendmarley gives you 11 light orange coffee-flavoured nuggets.
shalifi gives you 15 yellow raspberry-flavoured miniature candy bars.
swingtheory gives you 9 light blue cola-flavoured gummy bats.
twoscoopsmsu gives you 16 white grape-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
great_dame ends up with 101 pieces of candy.
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.


People interested in an out-of-this-world post-death experience can “boldly go where no man has gone before” with a space memorial service that blasts their ashes into space.

Read the article HERE

“The capsules normally stay in orbit between 10 and several hundred years before falling and “vaporizing like a shooting star…”

You know, I like to personify stuff like. stars. and the moon. The sky especially thrives with character, for me. But can you imagine looking up at night, seeing that, and knowing that they are people? What if you saw streaks like that every day, and it had become common culture? One day a child questions you about the light show and you get to tell them that those are people who used to be alive on earth.

The idea makes my eyes all glassy.

Adventures lying down.

It started with shooting bees. Live bees, with a gun. Appearing one by one, in the sky. Aiming at them and making them disappear. Soon I was hitting the bees but they continued to come closer and closer. Now, I learn I had been squirting something on them that wasn’t making them fall down and die.

trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger. *buzz buzz buzz*
trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger! *buzz buzz buzz*

“Why didn’t that bee die!” I shouted to someone, and grabbed something simple like a cassette tape case. The bee had landed, and I crushed its wet body with the case, thinking about how this was going to have to be the very dangerously confrontational last step in the process from here on out. (I really hate flying things that sting.)

A house of tall, white cement walls. A feeling of hype, and a town meeting. I hear them through the walls, talking about how to handle a deadly situation that I thought might be killer bees. I was holding a can of poison. Even though they were talking about how no one was to do anything, I sprayed some bug killer in a few cracks and exited the building.

Then I was pushing the message button on our answering machine. It was my mother’s voice, talking about how I never seem to learn and need a stern talking to.

There was some kind of poison scare, after all. Can’t remember how I decided this. They thought it might be in the water. I’m somewhere on the water, asking my brother to push out the green, foamy raft he’d used to get to shore. He does, and I am on the sand.

Now the sky is dark, and I’m running through a house I thought was mine, in the dream. I can see now that it was a lot different. We are deciding what to keep, and what to leave behind. Mother and Chris are packing and come into my room where I have been saying goodbye to different stuffed animals. I pick up a strange, orange penguin/lion mutated toy that I “strangely” do not recognize.

“Goodbye, Care Bear Cousin I never got to know,” I said, regretfully. And was very sad. Objects were heavy with sentimental value, and I spotted my white and blue Fluppy dog.

“This has to go,” I said, and put it in the box despite the fact that it was a toy. “It’s special, it was one of Nick’s favorite toys. He let me have it because I wanted it.” (back story: that is the one piece of 80’s nostalgia that I have ever wanted to find, and I found it in Nick’s house. He gave it to me. He is an era younger than I, and does not remember the cartoon character or share the same memories with the item. He let me have it. But having it makes me feel guilty, sometimes.)

It was as though each thing I observed held the memories, themselves. I knew that what I was leaving, might be gone forever. A storm was coming that turned into An End Of the World. We had to pack up and leave immediately.

Now it was starting to rain, and I was off where my dad was preparing. Loading, errands, some kind of important things. The van was full of things my mother had packed and I was shouting at him to move as fast as he could. He seemed a little annoyed by my shouting. I was becoming hysterical. I think winds were whipping through, ripping off the plains and valleys like tablecloths. Somewhere I’ve lost sequence for, is an overhead shot of the land rippling and collapsing on gigantic, rising rolls as though it was all on a bedsheet someone was putting on the world… only everything was being destroyed.

But it didn’t work out that way. We were a population, running. A rumbling sound? An order from a leader, and we knew that the acres where we stood was about to be hit with….something. My mind has a memory of a giant wave. Other times it is like the land instantly blew up. The rest of the dream consisted of all of us, running to dodge the explosions of area – as though it was a supernatural force that was only demolishing chunks at a time. So, what do you do? You weave in and out of those chunks.

I kept looking back and calling someone’s name. I was constantly reaching back in a crowd’s stampede until he was with me. Every time I lost him, my brain reminded me of the priority to save myself, but I could never go on, ahead.

At one point we were looking back at an evacuated area, and it was beautiful. The ground was like a hardwood stage floor, and the backdrop was a gorgeous pink with nebulus-looking clouds. I was standing on a time bomb, frozen and looking into a sky that was in the middle of rearranging the planet. For a hypnotized moment, I didn’t want to run anymore. The sense of being an ant under a boot heel was overwhelming and exciting.

“Woah,” he said, looking into the direction the end of the world was coming from.
I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him, and then we started running like bitches.

What happens if we reach a canyon or something, I wondered.

We would reach gigantic tents. There had to have been several hundred of us. We would rest at tables. Holding onto that person’s hand, I ran around looking for my family – worried they were wondering if I hadn’t made it, that time — and I found them. Dressed well. Looking happy. Glad to see me.

Then an announcement came over, about ranks and tasks. I notice some people are dressed in robes. “And the common people….” (some kind of duty I can’t remember, but everyone around me sighed with relief and said things like, “Oh. That’s easy!” I was glad that we weren’t being treated like suicide bombers or slaves in whatever structure was being assembled.)

I walk up a hill and a drug dealer is standing at the top with a torch. His face is in shock, and he informs us that we need to change direction immediately – that we’ve been approaching destruction.

“You gotta believe me! I heard the rumbles!” shouted the young man who has deceived my brother, time and time again.

And so, we’re running. We are a herd. I can see water dripping down from a line of trees, and things tearing up, behind me. I think about my partner, seeing me so far up ahead, and think about how stupid he is. He would probably answer “no hard feelings” at having been left, behind. My steps lose gravity and I leap up onto a barn roof, effortlessly.

Somehow, I have lost everyone else and am standing before a mountainside. There are several red ladders going straight up, and the men in red and white robes are making their way up to what I detect is “a safe height.” And I suddenly realize… we had been divided and misdirected so that the elite could better maneuver and escape destruction.

I curse the drug dealer’s name, and it echoes. Then I climb one of the ladders and start throwing wizard-looking old men to their death.

But then something strange, happens. The mountain begins to collapse.

Now I am reading a book with green and black pages. It goes like this:

Going back and cutting through the lock on our front gate, it wasn’t the same, being home…

I was under the impression that my father had lost an arm. That the wrath had subsided. That nothing had ever descended upon our house and smashed it. Then I read more,

“But seeing her and having to watch at the short distance she had always waited…” There was the printed image – a circle icon with a black hand, open palm. “…I honestly thought my heart was going to stop beating.”

Oh my god, me? I died? Oh my god, I die. This is so fucking sad, I’m thinking, nose tingling as I’m walking with this book in my hands. I was with a crowd – don’t know what we were doing – but it felt like we had to keep moving. I can’t believe it, I hate this!

I woke myself up, starting to cry. I am so glad that shit didn’t happen, that words cannot express.

Unusual Prelude To Liberty Awareness

Special Edition Entry! (or, recently added): Check out horrible Britney acne

Oh, sure. They’ve asked Kerry and Mr. President about homosexuality and taxes, on television. With a little research, I’ve also been able to find thorough standpoints from the neck-and-neck parties on DAV priorities*. But what about the real issue, here?

What about these midgets?

That’s right. Little people, tinies, or whatever you’re supposed to call an adult who’ll never see over the McDonald’s counter. Why, if there is a high percentage risk that a small woman is going to bring offspring into the world at similar disadvantages, are they still reproducing? Why does our society turn a blind eye to allow such selfish, degenerative breeding to continue while perfectly tall children are rotting in orphanages?

Now that I have your attention, there are some things I’d like to address concerning the upcoming election, such as The Anyone But Bush Syndrome and The Third Party Predicament. These two mind frames are closely related, if not siblings of ignorance and fear. Anyone using these factors for motivation is in danger of casting a vote that counters their own beliefs. If you’re taking the direction of our country as seriously as I and agree with my ideas expressed here, please address the issues in your journal and help remind others of the importance of an intelligent vote.

You weren’t originally asked to keep someone else out of office, or cancel out someone else’s vote. The call is not to vote for the guy your spouse or pastor can’t stop praising. The idea is not to compromise firmly held convictions because they’ve been labeled a certain way. Your ethical responsibility is to support the Greater Good – something you have decided, for yourself. I believe that looking for the “lesser evil” (supporting someone you don’t necessarily believe in) or deciding to “throw your vote away” (failing to realize your contribution) is only going to reflect poorly on the voter’s collective mind and hold us back from electing the best person for the job.

It’s wrong to control the way a person votes; unfortunately, vices of conformism and intimidation are everywhere. Are you going to be thinking about what you stand for when you walk into the polling place, or will you have been coaxed into an irrational state of mind? I’m not saying that you can’t base your decision on who has better hair or what you heard that sounded good, but please consider what you’re voting for, and educate yourself on the plans that person has for us. Remember – no matter how you might have been bullied to vote a certain way, once you’re standing before the ballot, the decision is entirely up to you.


*Dav Priority Issue Notes, for the curious

1. Increased health care funding
2. allowed retirees to receive disability comp without having to offset the amount from retirement benefits
3. cut disability claims backlog
4. expanded grants for homeless vets to all 50 states
5. oversaw largest expansion of national cemetery system since Civil War
6. signed Veterans Benefits Act
7. plans to enhance Survivor Benefit Plan
8. reduced time needed for the VA to process a claim to 100 days

1. Talks a lot about his service time
2. Talks a lot about how wrong veterans have been done
3. agrees on Bush’s #2 point
4. supports mandatory funding program Guarantee Act
5. eliminate 10 year phase-in period for those rated 100% service-connected disabled
6. lots more talk about how DAVs will have full compensation, but not as many examples to back it up as he has apparent desire

3rd Party
1. seems to be an issue to debate – some members feel they never agreed to anything and don’t owe vets a dime. Others feel strongly about the promises made to the people who served our country and feel they have earned their money. My personal feelings, falling in this system of social and economical thinking, is to reduce VA bureaucracy and still provide veterans with the compensation they deserve.

(My father is a Disabled American Veteran.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I got night vision goggles from the army surplus store and I need to go buy batteries.

Let’s not allow this to shroud Janet’s left breast.

Alright, so an actor who played someone who never really existed, died.

Someone who was too busy in his own fantasy world to care about cripples until he became one, wheeled around to important places and was given a mic because he was famous.

And this bastard even learned to wiggle his finger, to Rosie and Barbra’s amazement… how? With his one-of-a-kind spirit? No. Because he could AFFORD to have beautiful women move him around in a pool every day. Because he was rich.

Every Superman movie was worse and worse. Admit it. Just ADMIT it.

There has never been a superman. You never gave the stem cells a chance. You denied him his body of steel, and then you watched him die.