Scan the Item before placing it in the bag.

“You can’t be hungry if you didn’t earn it.” -William Dean

“I am not afraid of a donut that has long since seen the end of a healthy shelf life,” I decided, just now. My father, bargain hunter that he is, invests his coins into all kinds of death row baked goods. It’s not uncommon to see some form of snack sitting on the counter with a bright red discount sticker on it. In the event of a sweet tooth with no other options, the expired products tempt me.

Cut-to-scene: Autumn is at her station ripping DVD rentals while music plays. There is a loud calling signal and she turns to address a walkie talkie sitting on a nearby stool.

William Dean: Sleeping Bear, this is Sgt. Pepper. Can you hear me? It’s time for the potatoes to go in the oven. Over.

The view briefly focuses on a small tank above the desk – two pink frogs are maniacally grabbing food at the surface and shoveling it into their mouths with their front legs.

Autumn May: Sgt. Pepper, this is Sleeping Bear. I’ll do it right now. Over and out.

My company threw me the kind of odd look that makes you retrace the facts.

I paid extra attention to the security camera at the superstore. Apparently, I am a girl with a long, black coat. I’m not smiling. A few steps, and she was out of sight.

The following is a recent reply I gave Kirsten, who popped her head in wanting to apologize for many of the things she said to me before realizing some of what had actually happened:

You startled me just now, as I did not expect to find
a ghost stirring for aftermath to stories left behind
your inquiry’s sincere and though I normally would concede
I must explain, a haunting is the last thing that I need.

sometimes when I look back or try to smooth some acts gone wrong
The past just seems to be the only place where those belong
With all due repsect to better memories from that time
please return to the shadows and leave me here, in mine

My bedroom window was visible from the road. There were enough strings of lights inside to brighten the pirate flag being used as a curtain, and the rest of the house and trailer were completely dark. Pulling into the driveway, I knew I was close.

I’ve been looking for me, you see.

***

JetGrindMav: What are you writing about?
JetGrindMav: I can help.
Faith Rivada: I was writing about stale donuts.
Faith Rivada: And Sgt. Pepper.
Faith Rivada: Insert help here ___________ .
JetGrindMav: Nevermind. You’re on your own, kiddo. I dunno where to take that.

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11 responses to “Scan the Item before placing it in the bag.

  1. Re: Everything, True

    Crazy Tom is bothering you again?

    Hmmmmm…if you want, I can put him in check with an e-mail chock-full of Rock-influenced speech patterns, and hope that’ll shut him up…

    …if you SMEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what the DJ’s cookin’. :)

    (Incidentally, DJ are the Rock’s first and last initials.)

    I’m also going to be burning some new CD’s soon, including the latest from T.I., Fatboy Slim (clean version, but WTF), Van Hunt, and Franz Ferdinand, as well as some JPop lent to me by a coworker.

    • Re: Aww,man.

      Oh, I have the unedited version of “You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby”, which has “In Heaven” on it. I’m about to burn the clean version of “Palookaville”. The highlight for me will probably be his remake of “The Joker” w/Bootsy Collins on lead vocals. And last time I checked, that song didn’t have any cursing. :)

  2. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

    Crazy Tom rides again. *shakes head*

    Surely there is someone at the local police station you can contact about this stuff. I really does appear to be borderline harassment.

    I’m glad you’re standing up and staying strong. Many women in your position feel sorry for the creepy nutjob who pulls this sort of stuff on them and in their compassion and kindness they actual enable the loon to further harrass them. There’s an infamous stalker case where a middle-aged man started stalking a girl when she was 14…and she tried to tell people what he was doing but everyone thought that she needed just to be nice to him or that she was somehow bringing it on herself. Needless to say, he stalked her for years.

    Glad to see you back in the world of LJ. Your entries never cease to amaze me, and this one takes the cake.

    Or is it donut?

  3. Re: Everything, True

    thoughts on her thoughts

    remind that Toms member is still on file. but that he liked the public airing before.

    compliment on the machines voice. tell her it made me want to tip the machine.

    cheap donuts get better with age

    pour liquid in another bottle and taking the broken shards back to the despenser yeilds more

    insert obtuse quote reinforcing notion to bite me…

    paris: [rory wakes paris] you turned the light on!
    rory: i thought you were awake.
    paris: the lights out i am immoble.
    rory: did anyone call?
    paris: bite me…
    rory: did anyone call me?
    paris: ya, four people called-they left messages saying, bite me.

    [period] [end] [this has gone on too long]

  4. A monster which strikes in darkness, no doubt.

    It looks badass, but I doubt that even with its pungent odor of axe cinamin and arctic ice; even if it became a cist on a certain Gay’s ass, that gay would still smell like cheap cologne.

    http://www.livejournal.com/~camden_truth/46942.html

    I think that should be highlighted for all to see.

    Camden_Truth: It is a hospital, not a fucking club.

    Whether it be house of healing or house of dancing, you’re still going to be shot down. Just fuck off.

  5. Addict!

    Miss May-

    I have to express that I am offically addicted to Kingdom Hearts! After you showing it to me, I found out that my friend who lives next door to me has it. My friend moved her playstation 2 into my room. I am just about to start Neverland’s world. I enjoy it SO much. My brother went and bought the game for me and even a memory card so that I can work on the game while I’m down in Georgia… :)
    Thanks!

  6. A few things:

    * The Sgt. Pepper album is awesome, I listen to it at work all the time.
    * I’m going to have to invent a theft-prevention device for my Axe, an “Axe-Club” contraption or some such.
    * Nice verse, very well-written entry.
    * And, finally, OMFG his crazy-assedness did not say he drinks menstrual blood? It sounds like tantric fundamentalism, people totally missing the idea and coming up with things which fall under the umbrella of what grandmaster would so eloquently refer to as “stupid practices”. The dalai lama would shit himself if someone recommended he drink a glass of blood — no matter where it originated. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that mess…again.

    It’s good to hear from you again. Take care.

    • If U only Knew…

      He sent 2 pounds of papers printed from sketchy URLS about all kinds of conspiracies once, to “show me the truth” after I’d made a comment about Abbie Hoffman being a wuss for offing himself (didn’t I know that the gevernment had him killed?).

      Included in this recent package were some photos – of the trees, his house, and the scars on his legs.

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