Life has been most difficult to record for multiple reasons, all of them from different regions of why.
The redheaded princess was gliding across a choppy ocean in her golden carriage harnessed to two gigantic albino frogs. It was symbolic of my affection for the freaky water pets, deserving of the fairytale image. But a few days ago the female turned to the male and swallowed it from behind, holding it underwater long enough for the male’s skin to become partially digested. I would be leaning over the bathtub, pouring a solution of water and salt onto lifeless limbs.
“Autumn, I’m sorry – let it go. There’s nothing you can do,” Mom noticed.
As I nudged its webbed feet along the white porcelain, its corpse was stiffened and clearly a dead, clammy bunch of ick that is a dead frog.
The carriage tipped sideways and crashed into the water, my curls instantly a drenched mop of tangles. The concept was history and to make matters worse, I’d wake up the next day to find that the remaining frog had crawled into the filter, popped the lid off and hid somewhere in my bedroom. This was just the kind of headline to be squeezed somewhere in the middle of the Autumn May monthly newsletter. So there you have the part about not wanting to admit to something that was previously so much better.
My little brother has become a nut job. He never got the chance to learn the value of money and so spends his settlement on pepperoni pizzas with three orders of bread sticks a day, marijuana and whatever impulse that keeps coming back to him. This month you are unlikely to see him without his trusty bebe gun – one of those made to resemble a real hand gun – or one of those see-through ones that shoot the lighter, plastic pellets and fires them like a machine gun. Depends on his mood.
I step around the bright green marbles on my way up the front porch stairs and just about everywhere else. Is this what happens after Grand Theft Auto gets old?
It’s interesting to see thousands of dollars disappear within a few months on odd delicacy as he reaches for the Count Chocula and doesn’t hesitate to grab every game console and twelve or so games per each that he thinks might be fun to play. The huge TV – the killer computer – these are things he has yearned for but never earned. Now he simply dreams up what would make him happy, goes out and gets two of them.
He has that tree and his best friend’s piss poor driving skills to thank for his sudden fortune. It’s a fucked up thing. On one hand, he is a damn fool but on the other, a perfect example of living only once and doing whatever you want during that time. My only concern is that at the rate he’s going, he only has about one year to carry on this way.
I am dreading whatever lies beyond those bebe pellets, but will do my best to be there for him when reality comes to collect.
In Dad’s little corner of the world, he recently heated oven fish sticks and fries before raving about the “amazing” meal that he probably got for free at the grocery store with doubled coupons and every other trick he’s master at pulling.
“What? A register error? I’ll be collecting my five dollar reward fee then, please.”
I could smell the glob of off-brand ketchup and tartar sauce he had squeezed onto the paper plate and it made me gag (as though the limp fish sticks weren’t enough to induce vomiting). He scarfed it all down and bragged about the dinner he had cooked even though if anyone else had presented that to him as dinner, he’d certainly have declined and started shouting.
If he catches you using more than 2 paper plates stuck together, it’s all over. You know, cost him a penny for the entire stack but, you know. Crisis. You can be in the opposite end of the house with the door closed and still hear him complaining to someone about what they’re doing wrong, and what’s wrong with everything.
And you find yourself praying, even though you know religions are bullshit, that his jaw will fall off.
Speaking of religion, I had my yearly chat with in-county friend David, good friend of 7 years. Unfortunately, he went crazy a little while back and we no longer hang out.