In Which This Bitch Needs To Chill

Sometimes a “hey, is everything okay” would make everything okay, even when it isn’t.

Knowing when to ask would be really cool.

And I guess I mean that in the same distant, disconnected way that Britney Spears uses it as an answer to every redundant question regarding her fame, fortune and possible future movie roles.

“That’s really cool. That would be really cool.”

Everything is just really cool, right now. I mean it’s together. And I’m lucky, and blessed, and all of that. BLAH.

But I have some serious trouble underneath everything else. I think I dressed it all up as a way to kind of prepare myself for the battle ahead, to say, “Hey, I like you. I like who you are and I believe in you. You deserve this and that’s why everything is so nice. I want you to be reminded every step of way while we’re fixing things.”

It might get easy to forget why I’m doing anything at all, given the nature of my moods.

All I can say for myself is that when that door appeared, I took everything to the extreme. And sometimes it’s too much.

So how do you go back without going backwards?

(I couldn’t go backwards if I wanted to.)

Well then let’s just fucking do this,

before I go nuts.

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