In which I empty and go back to bed.

My sleep was interrupted by a phone call around midnight, which is like mid-sleep shift for me, someone who passes out from the day around nine PM. And I’ve tossed around in bed with what feels like heartburn and a stomach ulcer ever since, all some damn reaction to a ghost from the past.

I finally thought, “I’m gonna boot up that fuckin Live Journal” because I either have a piece of myself embedded here forever or feel the need to embed myself a little bit more – I’m not sure which way that whole thing works.

Same user name, twenty years from now. You’ll see.

I think tonight’s lesson, more like an exam I’ve passed several times over, is about respect for others. It’s not just tonight’s particular subject; the past fucking month has been a reunion from hell boiling in the back of my brain, uncontrollable, undeniable.

If I had known….


5 responses to “In which I empty and go back to bed.

  1. They forgave me, but I have clearly not forgiven myself

    Very often the hardest thing to do. Go easy on yourself. You’re only human and merely doing your best in that moment in time. But, heh, who am I to talk? I’m my own Jewish mother or Catholic church.

    Seriously poignant post too. It made me tear up.

  2. I doubt the friend you blew off felt sad about your boyfriend or anything like that, I bet that friend was sad because he didn’t know if he should act the same way he used to, not that it was romantic or anything but if he should act the same way all jokey, maybe he was more scared of the jokes that would come across as flirty.

    Either way I doubt that friend doesn’t want to see you or hang out again, maybe he’s just not sure if he should take the first step.

    Of course this is just my opinion on it.

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