Same Diff

A couple of girl scouts came knocking at the door while I was home alone. They wanted pop cans blah blah blah money stupid scout stuff.

I opened the garage door and handed them a huge sack of returns.

“Are you really girl scouts?”

They looked confused. And really young. They probably were the real deal. One little girl with fuzzy brown hair wore an awful sash across her shoulder with patches on it.


“That’s cool.”

After they disappeared into their mother’s van I thought about it… I’d actually just given them a bunch of smelly, sticky beer and vodka bottles.

Oh well.


External Awesome

Another Studio is hosting the cutest feature – Matchgarden City!

Also, another forum that has excellent participation and advise is the Ivillage Garden. This is where I researched how to fight soil fungus (and, by the way, my shade garden is doing well without any sign of ants or decay). Lots of people with years of experience, here.

An interesting article I found: How To Grow Wildflowers. Of all the sites I consulted, this was probably the most informative. The tips seem to be: rake only the first inch of dirt so as not to disturb dormant weeds, provide a well-draining area with full sun, and understand that weeds will try to beat the flowers to the sun and must be weeded out! I love wildflower meadows.

Previously On Great Dame, or, No One Told The Weatherman

I was in my parents’ house and dark clouds started shooting across the sky unbelievably fast. At first I just marveled at how a steady scroll of blackbirds go flying across the scene, directly under the clouds, one after the other. Then I looked beyond them and started freaking out because, as I exclaimed, “There’s no wind, none of the trees are blowing.”

In real life, I really believe, the washer downstairs had an uneven load, causing it to THUMP THUMP THUMP just below where I was resting. Because I heard this metal pounding and I thought, ‘Oh my god it really sounds like a train’

Unfortunately my brain ran with that.

I know why there are tornadoes where they predict none.

I had my two little dogs. I grabbed one, threw it downstairs and then remembered that I owned a second one. I went back up several stairs, opened the basement door and yelled for The Duchess, who came running. It was a comforting feeling.

Then I watched things sort of shake and creak from a brightly painted basement. And even though I am terrified, believing this is What Life Is At the Moment, my pulse literally racing as I slept, I was emotionally upset and I declared

I hate what he does to me and my life.

Then it was quiet. Maybe the washer had stopped, or maybe it was never running to begin with.

Someone asked “is it over?” and I woke up. Terrified. Like, traumatized. The scary feeling just hung there for minutes. I walked to the bathroom and peed with the simulated notion that I could have died. Then I sat here, describing it, feeling it lose its grip as seven turned to 8 AM, the time I get ready every day for work.

And I agree with my dream. Because there are times when something is stronger than I am, when I can’t help it, and it happens to me in an awful way. Then I have the doubly ill-fated choice to either try and ignore it, remaining silenced in a prison, or write about it where everyone alive is watching at any given time…

And I hate that it is a part of me, when it just hurts and hurts.

I hate what he does to me and my life.


Some of my lilies are quickly growing toward the sun in one direction and I worried they would topple right over with the weight of their flowers. Rather than go with plastic or metal, I chose natural twigs from our pines.

FACT: Most every lily can be planted at least 7 inches deep. The deeper the bulb, the stronger the stalk will be.

I added character by shaving off some of the bark and carved a few spots for labeling.

Elegans hosta

Catching on? Good.

Losing count and losing class. Another day lost to recovery.

I caught death’s eye last night, and I suppose the attraction was mutual. Thankfully Rock Bottom was solid enough to keep me from falling through the floor into hell.

I was sitting, then I was kneeling, and then I realized that I wasn’t standing up for a very long time. My cell phone went one place, its battery a few feet away, and the cover elsewhere. I remember having crashed, unable to open my eyes.

I got really worried when I couldn’t find the strength to tell The Duchess to stop licking my face.

But that isn’t how I die. As ever, after my vessel filled to the brim with poison,

it just started purging.

ride all the rides

Waiting for this fucking page to load I contemplated the secrets of the universe, specifically, the Cliff’s Notes version and thought, “It’s a shame that the internet is so sloth-like else I would have translated my answers and spell-checked them by now. Alas, the time for that has passed.

Instead I give you TA DAAAA, me, in the middle of the afternoon.

Can  I just say that I am flying.

Everything, right up here, (brain point), delicious stew.

There’s that lesbian. Across the street. See, this desk is between two windows. And the neighbor girl is always by herself. She set the sprinkler out. Just now. Always wears these short black shorts.

I saw her up on the roof cleaning out her own gutters, muscular thighs glistening in the sun and I went, “Yup. lesbian.”

Ain’t no hetero bitch alive who won’t turn to the human with the dumb stick and go, “Get your ass up there today and clean the gutters”.

I see you. I like you. I wonder what your name is.

I just texted Brad.



TODAY, RIGHT NOW. COME ON SPONTANEITY Its what keeps people together after years and years no PRESSURE OR ANYTHING

Walking through my house drunk I said, “I am on my way to my laptop.”

All this shit I pass, to get there, is just shit. It’s all about the laptop for me. Lap Lappy Lapperton

My laptop is male. sometimes i just slam my face down onto it and kiss it.

thinking about what to say next. i said,

I gotta put something up above that awful fucking entry where i talked to beetlejuice.

I could talk forever but it would be to no one in particular so if you would like to talk with me please leave your name and a brief message, and I will give you the time of day.

If your eyes fall upon these words, it is because you are looking for something and no matter what you’ve been told, I think you are beautiful. just remember that, reader, whoever, wherever, etc.

we will figure it out. Let me know if you need me. I am here.

I might have to change my vote to Miller Lite. I dunno, does that mean I am pathetic for liking the light yellow beers? Darker ales taste kind of skunky to me.

Yes, Sir.

let’s play ball.


*edit: I would not actually attend a Tiger’s game until fall of 2014…with another attendee.