Last night’s dreams really stuck with me and made everything feel different when I woke up. They were so close that it was like they hung over my eyes like a hazy screen.
My brother, who I’ve been avoiding as of late, was in the living room of my aunt and grandparents’ home where we always stayed the weekend. Pull-out beds were on the floor and the light hit the farmland like it was early morning. Wooden beams, mixed shades of brown just like we had always woken up to before a breakfast of sausage patties and biscuits.
An awareness was in the air, even if I didn’t comprehend it completely.
I said to Christopher, “Just think. One day, this won’t be here, anymore. You think it’s different now that we aren’t little and mindless about everything – just imagine it being completely gone.”
My brother was silent. I assumed unspeakable thoughts of horror.
Something about it is gone in actuality. An entire person. The aura. And I haven’t seen Grandma or Aunt Robin in years because something like despair keeps me away.
But we had it back, just a little bit, for a moment, last night.
Then I was ordering Green Day tickets, excited as all hell. I get the annual Green Day dream and it’s always blissful, tapping some unchanging love inside me. Part of me always wants to see them, to have excellent seats. Sometimes I wake up before getting to the venue and it’s disappointing. Other times I see them and my pulse races in my sleep.
Finally, I was riding in the car with my family. Part of it seemed like downtown Hometown and yet it was entirely different with skyscrapers. Centered at the top of one tall building where you’d normally see a bell tower was a large window. From the car I could see that there were structured wings spanning out and down the entire wall of that room…and a girl seemed to be standing in the middle, making it look like she was an angel.
I was mesmerized by the sight of it. Somehow I could tell that she had turntable equipment in front of her as she watched the cars go by. We were moving so slow then, I waved and she waved back. I pressed a peace sign against the glass and she mimicked it. I even thought, “I have to write about her; this is so intriguing and beautiful.”
The car picked off the ground and I was nervous. My brain started to reason it as actually having been a small plane the whole time. We were lifted straight up to that angel’s window and I grabbed a stuffed animal of a blue sprite from Rainbow Brite to hold up and show her (Rave culture reference?). I pressed it against the glass but we were rotating and I didn’t get to see her. The fear from turning upside down in the air woke me up.
Feels different, this morning.