Handling the Estranged

The hardest type of person to stop is, oddly enough, the one that can only enter after you’ve invited them in.

I want to make you breakfast and watch as you lie and say that it tastes amazing.

I loaded his journal, no longer being written to me but for the general public, and the bad energy felt like someone else’s hangover.

One day, and we’ll know.

He revealed himself to be a very bitter, deceptive man. I’ve watched him struggle so hard to make life something worth looking back on. From ‘A Moment Forever’ to his ‘Broken Window’ productions.

Look what you’ve done to me. I’m an old man using a < and 3 like a sideways heart.

From ‘I Would Never’ to ‘All I want from you, is your entire life’ in about six winter weeks with the limited view he gave me.

I’ve done so many things in the idea of a person I knew. And not done even more.

He would never have wanted me to feel this way because of him. Did he know from the beginning that I would go on missing a man who never existed?

He will always be with me, in my story, in all of the ways that call out to me from unenlightened ledges, deep waters and across burning bridges. It will always have a little something to do with the dipshit from Misery who knew how to take a broken track hurdle and spin it like a winner’s tale.

I’ll always remember when I believed the golden glow before I got to know the human being.


2 responses to “Handling the Estranged

    • I can’t magically make the last 12 years and all of the things I did or didn’t do because of This, go away, but I can stop protecting the very thing that caused so much delay and damage.

      It was not okay that he came back without respect for the relationship I was in. It was wrong of me to put that person in an odd “pending” status, To Be Continued. It was not okay to trust him and it does not work out for me to read the words by the person he is now – and in many ways, always was.

      I probably won’t be instantly healed from That, either.

      “Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you.” I’m sorry, but that’s 12 years of my life and it’s less than a year old “sentiment”. I can’t write any one medicinal thing to equal the mass sum of what happened. Let me know if having to read about my dealings with it, upsets you. I can make a filter. You’re worth it, to me.

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