Cheerful Holiday Tip

Free advice, everyone. Gather 'round.


When you're selecting candy to pass out to those determined, tired, cold children ringing the doorbell, don't be a downer. Don't be the guy who only had a bowl of smarties or generic jawbreakers. Offer a variety for fuck's sake. Get some actual goddamn chocolate in there and, if you must mix it up with filler, select a bag that has Milk Duds and Twizzlers – something that's still good. When you don't hand it all out and you just toss the shit because you wouldn't wanna eat it yourself, there's something wrong.

You can get a long-ass thing of Reeses, M&Ms, Kit Kat and everything else for a buck at Rite Aid right now; none of that bitching and moaning about the price of real candy.

Come on.

Shop smart and think of the kids.

Be awesome.


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