This thing that showed up after me.
I felt the wind against my skin and the glow of the house beside me, busy with light and activity. From the porch I held my hair back and stared the cold disc down.
Uncertainty. Unnatural. Questioning if it has done more harm than good.
Not that there wasn't always something there, or something over here. It's just harder to deny with the giant receiver protruding from the lawn.
The whimpering of my two little dogs fades in. They've been begging beside me, bringing me back. My arms are folded. I'm sitting a few feet away from my desk. Where was I, just now?
Daydreaming, I must have been daydreaming. I was in someone else's garden… one of my friends out in California just said that she would plant a venus fly trap for me. I can't grow them in my conditions. I saw her kneeling down, cutting out dandelions from her yard with a spade, one at a time, temporarily severing topsoil from the root beneath the ground.
There is plenty of time to think when you're in quarantine. Going down in the typical style I took an entire circuit with me, one of millions. Trillions. Black satellites and hard tree trunks. Snowflakes and server lights.
I had a nightmare that there were tornadoes in the sky and it made me bring my shoulders in, made my muscles tense, like it stopped my heart, several times. My sleeping mind is obsessed with a fear that it has never seen in real time.
An old man I found at some Michigan gardening forum sends out his weekly newsletter in the idea of people waiting for the words of a 'certified nurseryman'. His latest installment warns just like the past few: I'm afraid a mild winter has its consequences…I have decades of experience, I warn you, it is still too early…
The sun is beating down. Green has broken the surface. Leaves are unfolding. Bigger and bigger every day, this is what I'm seeing. I think you're stalling, old man.
I think you're scared.
This morning I transplanted climbing vines to the outside ground so they can train on the trellis. Then I came in here and ripped the cover off my story.
Bring your strongest signal.