Paying Is So Uncool

Two boys walk in. They might be fresh out of high school, I mean, they look pretty young – and it’s clear by the foil sticker on their ball cap brims (why is everyone doing that???) that they still care about stupid things like being Cool.

First thing each one of them does is grab a silly little basket that you tote around the store. Those baskets look like something you put on your arm to take bread and yarn across the village. So not Cool. Something isn’t right.

“Hey there, boys. What are you up to today?” I look unconvinced before they answer.

They insist they’re just browsing. They even grab an ad to amuse you. Their baskets, their looting equipment, is that what tipped you or have you started to pass heavy judgment on young men?

Thirty seconds later they’re in the aisle behind you, shoving as many Dre Beats into those baskets as they’ll hold. Four hundred dollar headphones, boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. No account for color or kind.

“Okay team, we need to get over there. Don’t even leave their side. I mean, awkward small talk, babysit, get those baskets and try to sell them something until they give up.”

Questions about the products. Questions about discounts. But as many customer-like things they do they never make it to the part where they bring out their wallet. They’re not customers and we’re not police. They leave empty-handed. It’s the safest, money-forward technique.

I go over to the Dre Beat display just in case I’ve missed something. I set the headpiece over my ears and listen. All I hear is the unique sound of Monster tickling Will i Am's butthole.

I did them a favor.


9 responses to “Paying Is So Uncool

    • Isn’t it peculiar?! I talk to the people who walk around wearing them and they all insist that the “sound is great”, so as long as they’re getting a kick out of them I don’t suppose the whole thing is a washup. Just a markup.

  1. for the record…i open a pair of Sony V6s and they sound awesome for a fraction of the price :)

    I’d even argue that these may even be better.

    Nonetheless…that’s just so dirty. I don’t understand stealing.

    • There are three types of people in that scenario – ones who won’t steal (high morale), ones who do (bad apples) and potentially good people who will steal if given the opportunity (on the fence).

      I think it mostly has to do with (coming from the clients we get) people having many wants and not enough money – then they get the idea in their head that they could get away with getting what they want without paying for it, and that it won’t hurt anyone. “If there are no victims, how bad could it be?”

      I wish I understood it better!

      • There are always victims lol.

        I know when I worked at Circuit City, if we were under our “stolen goods” budget for the year, that that money got distributed to the employees of the store.

        Stealing is screwing the worker out of free money.

  2. Oh my gosh yesterday a kid ducked down behind two employees, concealed his video games really quickly (inside his coat) and then grabbed a game off the shelf in order to look “legit”. But I had seem him on the cameras and I alerted the entire staff. Suddenly all eyes were on him and he proceeded to run around, dumping the games because the gig was up.

    The manager got in that person’s face (concealment is illegal in this state) and ________________

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