In Which ‘Cut and Dry’ Isn’t Always Palatable

Sometimes an event at work is pretty cut and dry. I wish that I could say I watched silently, until something harmlessly illegal happened resulting in actual prosecution, but yesterday never made it that far. And it’s actually how my company prefers it.

A guy came in around noon, looking fifty, wearing a backpack on a Sunday. Initially I thought he was either a walker (no ride/inability to drive suggesting invalidity), the product of an odd Bible school, about to take his lumpy ass hiking, or (and this is what I was really thinking) a Stupid who was entirely capable of doing something dumb.

I got the faintest, most disregarding “hi” from him –  it wasn’t the kind where someone brings me their crabby mood – the word was barely mumbled as in “OH HAI I HAVE SEVERE PROBLEMS DON’T LOOK AT MY GIANT BACKPACK”. In all honesty, I wish I could forget these impressions the moment they make them, with all of their awkwardness and unfortunate implications to boot. But I can’t.

There are some real losers out there. It’s the tragic byproduct of our societal curve.

Lumpydumpyfrownybackpackman knew right where we keep our computer memory. I may or may not have made an unfair, sarcastic and/or private page to everyone’s ear set about how ‘completely normal’ my observations were. The team told me that they were getting the same dismissive treatment when attempting to talk to him.

WWLDFBPMD? (What would LumpyDumpyFrownyBackPackMan Do?) Apparently, he’d proceed to grab a few hard drives and hike his butt on back to an area where it’s entirely dark and vacant.

No one was around him when he did this; that’s what I’m for. I paged what was obvious to me, explaining the would-be near future, and coworkers responded. The guy dumped the product when he was approached and then casually strolled up to the exit doors and left. I wanted to scream obscenities, the whole attempt having insulted my own intelligence, but I continued to monitor via CCTV and caught the guy pulling over on a side street to slap on his magnetic license plate.

And that was it. I took extra measures to involve local authorities and alert surrounding businesses, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. It still felt like he got away with something even though he didn’t get to take anything.

I want to hand him his ass.

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2 responses to “In Which ‘Cut and Dry’ Isn’t Always Palatable

  1. There’s nothing worse than seeing something like that. I’ve seen illegal things happening in the place I work (a care home) and when I say something is wrong, they laugh in my face. I’m still not over the most recent misdemeanour and I feel like it’s on my conscience because I couldn’t stop it in spite of trying.

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