That Would Have Been Cool


This year’s snapdragons. As hard as I’ve tried to lay off bright, tropical colors, I really like seeing the range of hues pink-orange-yellow in one thing. Very neat.

While scavenging for food, I happened to spot a large Snickers bar with a price tag directly blow it that read: Snickers Squared, $1.29:


You can clearly see that the label appears to read Snickers2 as in, Snickers times itself. And this particular candy bar is over-sized and fashioned into two separate chunks, all the more seeming like a clever, wallet-friendly snack.

But oh, oh no.

When I got up to the counter these chocolate turds rang up for an entire dollar more, throwing off the entire scale of savings. For a dollar more, I could add an entire drink. For another dollar, why not go across the street to a fast food value menu?

Having doubted everything and refusing to look like I wasn’t in the know, I paid my two dollars and proceeded to investigate. Nothing wrong with someone lurking at the front lanes’ candy selection, hell no. Before I would unleash a verbal lashing I would have my facts in order and price tag in hand. This wasn’t just about everyone getting ripped off on their way out of a store – this was about me getting ripped off…and on an average day at a moment’s notice I am 10x the fury of everyone else.

As it turns out, ‘Snickers Squared’ is not a cheeky math reference aimed at those with a decent IQ who are looking for a sweet bite to eat. ‘Snickers Squared’ is a tiny square bar of Snickers shit (which I had to research because the store didn’t have any in stock) and the wrong product was sitting above the price tag. ‘Snickers 2’ means to suggest to idiots the fact that you can eat half of something and save the other half for another time: ‘Snickers 2 Go’. And to help that point along they have sealed both halves separately in chocolate in case you forget what the plan was.

There are two of them. It is technically squared. And priced wrong. And it took more of my money than it said it would. As I relayed these facts to the manager on duty he looked blankly at the various items I had set on the counter, like he had gone somewhere far, far away, perhaps back in time when there was only one kind of Snickers and life was much more simple then.

“I’m no candy bar expert,” he began to persuade, “but I’m pretty sure the ‘Squared’ one is little squares or something.” (haha,Cubed3) He was perfectly content with being void of all passion for any point I was trying to make. I crumbled the incorrect tag in my hands and walked away.

Then I ate my Snickers bar, reflecting on the Thing That Would Have Been Cool But Wasn’t.

Maybe I’m just thinking too much.


2 responses to “That Would Have Been Cool

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