Protein, stimulants and alcohol are a creative cocktail when I don’t have anywhere to be the following day.
You know that thing that happens when you write your heart out over some old bullshit and wake up the next morning entirely numb and even in disagreement with how you felt before? I literally stumbled out of bed with the knowledge of what I felt needed to be said last night and I wondered, “Is that why they call it BED TIME?!”
I mean sure, the emotions must BE there somewhere. But I can’t even relate. So thank you, Word Press, for eating those nostalgic moments so I don’t have to live them constantly.
Seriously – any separation between myself and someone else was NEVER entirely my own doing. I’ve picked some real troubled, abusive and even dumb mother fuckers in my time. I never just went around randomly throwing stones at the closest ones to me – I felt some shit hit me HARD. Other times it got so stale I couldn’t even breathe.
I may send out those little heart pieces and feel em glowing out in God Knows Where in God Knows Who, but I’d never trade an ex for the company that I keep now. My people are my favorite people and this time is the best time. In my clear, sober, rational mind there is a wave of relief when I think about how I don’t have to deal with the entire packages that were admittedly 80% bad mixture and 20% my own romanticized beliefs.
I mean, yeah – Ode To. Previous chapters with all my heart. Feel the pain. That’s what semi-anonymous thought logs and phonographs in cyberspace are for. In the end, life is life and people aren’t all gonna fit in the present. Not me in yours, and certainly not everyone in mine.
Maybe I didn’t need to pour the gasoline and torch the bridges like I did. My biggest regrets are lessons I don’t really wanna take back, though. When all is said and done I said goodbye.
New York, dismissing former contestants.